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A New York Escorts Confessions
The Cheapskate
When I was first working at the fashion rag, there used to be this cart that came around in the morning. With these absolutely disgusting pastries.
I know. “Disgusting” and “pastries” in the same sentence. It’s a crime.
Seriously, though, these were mass-produced, unnaturally made, personal pies, muffins, “buns”-all brown mind you-wrapped in some kind of shrink-wrapped plastic. You were allowed to take one plus get your coffee or tea. All gratis from the company. It was a weird idea of course for a fashion business, but clearly something the building offered for all the tenants. But what self-respecting 5’8” fashionista weighing all of 103 pounds and terrified to even speak the word ‘carb’ was going to bite?
There was, though, this older man in accounting-Leon, I think his name was. I’d watch him as at least a couple days of week he would either talk the cart guy into giving him an extra “pastry” or swipe one when he wasn’t looking. And Leon was as thin as they come. I always wondered where the hell he was putting all of them.
Turns out not in his mouth. When Leon got canned a few months later, they sent a team of people to help him clean out his office. What they found along with the dust bunnies and receipts was about 250 of those pastries tossed behind a file cabinet in the closet. Still wrapped of course.
I thought about Leon the other day, because I’m realizing there’s a part of me that’s a lot like him. No I’m not a child of parents who lived through The Depression, like his did. But something happens to a body when it first gets to New York and has to live on a salary just under $30,000. It does manage to put you in touch with your inner cheapskate.
Years later here I am raking in the big bucks. I have no problem dropping $500 for really cool boots, joining both a gym and a yoga studio, and taking cabs whenever I feel like it. But I seem to have this problem with, of all things, toilet paper.
I don’t buy it. I steal it.
I know. This is weird. How can someone who is so obsessed with personal grooming be content to pinch rolls from Starbucks, French Roast and the neighborhood shoe store? I can’t explain it exactly. It just irks me to spend money on something so mundane. If they made cute pink toilet paper with adorable designs or upscale logos on it I’d probably turn over a new… square.
The other day though I think I might have been shamed into changing my ways. I got home late at night and had to pee so badly that I ended up using the staff bathroom in my lobby. Just before I left, I noticed they had a big stack of toilet paper rolls by the door. I started to slip one into my bag when I caught a glance of myself in the mirror.
Stealing toilet paper from my own DOORMEN.
How could I have sunk so low?
Today I’m mending my ways. I’m walking down the street to Duane Reade with my head held high. I’m going to look my demons in the eye and buy myself a 24 pack of double rolls. I’m going to place it not in a cabinet, but out in the open, in front of God and everyone. It’ll be a kind of personal product shrine.
But what about my inner cheapskate you may ask? How am I going to keep her satisfied as I finally cross the great toilet paper frontier?
I’m thinking pens. I am never buying another one again.
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confessionsComments
Whaddaya know.. I have a paper habit too.. I take crisps new A4 papers from the hotel I work at.. We all have our little cheapskates in there, somewhere..
Posted by Elynne on May 26 07:30AMBe Careful What You Wish For....
http://www.asi71068.com/custom_printed_tp/2006PriceList.pdf
Anything is possible....
Send me a mailing address, and I'll send you some of the 1000's of pens laying on my desk......
Keep up the great posts...
Posted by Michael on May 26 03:19PMOMG...Alexa, I say this with much love, but girl, you are such a cheap ass! LOL! Toliet paper?! Seriously?! Toliet paper?! I wish I could relate Alexa, but I cant! I mean, dont get me wrong, I'm a cheapskate at heart (when I was younger, at family barbeques, I'd make myself a plate of food, hide it in the car, and then make another plate and eat it with everone else) but toliet paper? What if you needed some really badly?
Posted by David on May 27 06:37PMWoW...Alexa, you're a girl after my own heart!!
I sooo detest spending $$ on such things.
But!...all is not lost, Thanks to Michael we can now buy 'custom rolls'.
My first thought: "Great, I'll get some pretty monogrammed rolls"....but after much deliberation about the perfect design....wouldn't it be nice to have some of your 'pet-peeves' on there?
You can flush them right down the toilet! (after soiling appropriately, of course!!..hahahahaha)
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about me
So why am I writing this blog? I have an inner exhibitionist that just needs to be let out. I've always wanted to bare myself completely in front of strangers but have always been held back by fear.
As strange as it may sound, I've never really truly bared myself in front of any of my clients. For all that they've seen, they've never seen me be me. And for all that I've seen, I simply need to share it with you!
So why should you come? To be tantalized and teased. To get release by knowing the true me.
I promise that I won't bite, and if I do bite, I'll make sure you like it!
my favorite posts
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- Poops!... I Did It Again!
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- Selling Out (Part III)
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I don't have a problem like that-I have a problem with stocking up.
Posted by MadameD on May 26 05:04AMAs in, I really really need three bottles of shampoo in the cabinet, at least 2 24 packs of toilet paper, and more soap than a small third world country can use in a year.
I'm used to buying in bulk when it's cheap. Now, I live where it's cheap, and can't quite break the habit.