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A New York Escorts Confessions

Life, or Something Like It

So my sister-in-law Jennifer is due March 30th. At 7:00 AM sharp.

Like many women these days, she’s having a C-section. She was in labor with her first, my nephew Tyler, for eleven hours before her doctors realized she would never dilate enough to successfully give birth vaginally. Plus as she explains it, they discovered she’s out of the normal range for clotting. I have no idea what that means, but it’s enough to make anyone say, “For God’s sake man, take a knife to me already!” So for Emma she had a C-section, and she’ll do the same for her third.

While some women may revel in the idea of being able to to simply pencil in their birth on a calendar, Jen is kind of bummed. “You know Alexa,” she explained to me in a rare moment of full disclosure, “There’s something so humbling about your water breaking. Pete and I had just put the rubber mattress cover on our bed, because it can soak it through. That’s just a weird idea when you hear it. But when it happens to you, it’s really like a dam bursting in your body. I actually heard it before it happened. It sounded like… like a storm. And I ran into the shower and started yelling for Pete to bring me towels. And we were laughing and making fun of me because I was like a fountain.”

Hmmm. Doesn’t sound too appealing if it’s not happening to you, huh?

I guess what Jen misses is the sense that for once we’re not in control. That life itself, bigger, stronger, and more mysterious than humans can ever understand, is taking over. Plugging an entry into a Blackberry seems to somehow to erase that magic.

We’re so busy controlling all of the variables in our life. We think we can dictate in minute details exactly how we will live our lives and exactly how long those lives will be. But then the natural world has a way of kicking us in the pants every once in a while, doesn’t it? By dumping 27 inches of snow on us and making us miss our dinner plans, our get-togethers and our flights. By wrecking our dieting strategy by telling us, “Oh that low fat thing? Yeah, that was kind of made up.”

You’re not going to hear me describing whatever that thing is as God. I’m way too much of a lapsed Christian for that. But whatever name we give it, it’s pretty clear that something else out there is really calling the shots.

We continue to delude ourselves though. Because in the midst of Jen’s speech about letting life take its own course, I wanted to remind her that “hello!” she and Pete had elected to learn the baby’s sex before it was born.

So much for living life au natural.

Comments

Did you know that God is a crazy woman, and Her name is Eris?

http://www.principiadiscordia.com

:)

M

Posted by StMarc on Mar 17 09:29AM

Well at least you do recognize that there is someone, something greater out there that controls our future, our destiny, and that life isnt just a sequence of random events and coincidences. I have some friends that are like that, and it's sad to say, but their mentallity is so negative, that I wonder how they go on living being so sad and all. Anyways, congratulations on being an auntie again! Although I could have done without your sisters water breakage story...blech!

Posted by David on Mar 17 11:34AM

It's a bit of a shame for the baby to C-section.

Babies themselves initiate birth. When the baby is grown sufficiently large that the womb is unable to properly sustain the baby, the baby begins to secrete a couple of hormones which trigger the birthing process.

That's all well and good, until you also realise that weight at birth correlates strongly with health and indeed with IQ. The heavier the baby, the better.

Posted by Toby on Mar 17 02:58PM

I believe that life is a mystery to us all and no one understands the true nature of God. You have some bad experience with the Christian God you were taught about, so here is my advice: fire that God and find one that will do you some good. There are so many variations on God, particularly among Christians, that I'll bet if you look you can find one that works for you. You have chosen an interesting path for your life; thank you for sharing it.

Posted by Clueless on Mar 18 08:02AM

Almost nothing is natural in this modern world. We sleep in beds, crap sitting up on toilets, eat with utensils, take pills when we're sick, and deliver babies on our backs in a hospital. Why do people continue guilt tripping women who don't want to go through the unnecessary pain of childbirth, as if they're cowardly and disrespectful of their duty to suffer? As if they will somehow love their child less if they didn't have to suffer to deliver it. There is NO REASON to suffer in childbirth in the 21st century. Get the C-section, get the epidural, get whatever you need to lessen the pain. Like anything else! Sheesh.

Posted by Moonlighting Escort on Mar 19 11:57PM

Actually, as it turns out, I'm the one calling the shots.

*giggling*

Posted by lobster on Mar 20 12:04AM

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