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A New York Escorts Confessions

Aunty Lexie

Hoorah! My newest niece, little Buela Rose came into the world today at 8:05 AM. Six pounds six ounces with a full head of black hair.

How cool is it I have a niece named Buela?! I can’t wait to meet her.

First though, I’ll have to be able to get out of bed.

That’s right. Pity your poor Alexa. About a week ago I took a killer yoga class. This new teacher I found is determined to have all of us learn how to do handstands in the middle of the room by the end of the year. Lots and lots of ab repetitions involved. Lots of standing on our hands against the wall and tightening those little suckers until they stay that way.

Actually when I got out I felt great. I felt like I was going to do that handstand in the middle of the room by January 2007.

By the way, isn’t it funny? I went through a gymnastics phase when I was a kid. Handstands were no big deal then. I’m trying to remember when I stopped being able to do them.

So all was well. Until I got up in the middle of the night to open a window. And felt a tiny little ping under my left back ribs.

And then I walked around in heels the whole next day.

Yeah. I know. It was pretty dumb.

By the time I got home late that night, I was stooped like an old lady. I crawled into bed and have been there ever since.

The worst part is I’ve had to cancel all my jobs. Let me tell you—I feel poor already. My guess is though that most guys don’t want a gal on their arm shuffling along like a grandmother and moaning with every step. It’s just not sexy.

Neither is a date in that condition.

“Okay I’m totally not cancelling—”

“But you’re cancelling,” M said to me. He sounded…prepared? hardened? for that kind of response. It made me feel worse than ever. I really really didn’t want to mess this up.

“No. I’m postponing. Ow. Ow. Sorry. I totally wrenched my back. Believe me I would never make something like this up.”

“Oh no. Are you alright?”

“No. But I will be, I promise. By Saturday I vow to be alright. Could we possibly do it then? That would be so great.”

Turns out we can. And I will be there valium and all.

Comments

Alexa, isn't Buela Rose a rare enough name that if one of your relatives Googled it, they'd come across this, put two and two together, and determine that one of their relatives is an escort? You may wish to delete this entry ...

Posted by Alice Kramden on Mar 31 09:21PM

Alice, why would relatives google a baby? To check up on a possible sordid past?

Anyways, congratulations Alexa! And hopefully, all goes well tonight!

Posted by David on Apr 1 10:53AM

I don't know — to see who else has mentioned it, relatives they don't know about? To see how common the name is?

David, you're parsing my comment as criticism. That's not the right way to take it.

Right now, one of the most devastating events in Alexa's life — I bet — would be for family members who don't know about her career to find out about it.

I see the use of the baby's rather rare real name in this entry as an avenue by which that could happen. And so, I'm just counseling caution.

Posted by Alice Kramden on Apr 1 12:09PM

I think that Alexa will be doing center room handstands by late June. It's really not that hard once you get over the simple fear of it all. It's true that crashing down is different now from your childhood, if for no other reason than you're just simply farther from the ground now when you fall. Somehow I think your body knows that comparative childhood/adulthood distance instinctively when you ask it now to do things that it hasn't done since shorter years. Or maybe I'm just speaking from my own 5'11" perspective...

I want to make sure that Buela is pronounced something like Boo-eh'-lah and not Byoo' luh? The former pronunciation is so lovely and graceful! And the latter is so Southern, with too much a hint of toothless white trash.

Posted by Charliegirl on Apr 2 12:11AM

For what it's worth, NYH is the #1 Google hit for Buela Rose.

It's also the only hit if you put "Buela Rose" in quotes.

On the bright side, it's not even in the top 100 for Buela, which is a much more likely Google search term.

Anyway, congratulations on the niece :-)

Posted by Harvey on Apr 4 04:28PM

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