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A New York Escorts Confessions

The Marrying Kind

I remember the first time I went for an acupuncture appointment. The doctor was Chinese, and unlike many American physicians, didn’t seem to feel the need to explain to me what was going to happen next. One time a man came in, threw a towel over the back of my head and massaged it so vigorously that my hair literally stood on end afterwards like a lion’s mane. Another time a woman came in, put a big needle in the middle of my chest and actually LIT IT ON FIRE. I always likened going there to getting on an amusement park ride—one where you didn’t actually know what the heck that particular one was going to do to you.

I kind of think New York is like that.

I was out to dinner downtown last night with a new client, A, who is running his second hedge fund after having sold his first one for well, a whole lot of money. A is still married to his first wife who even though she just turned 46 recently decided to go back to school for her MBA. Apparently Mrs. A found a fast track program where the classes were taught mostly online. Two days a month, though, the students met in person at the college, which was in Boston. When she was gone, I stepped in. As A rationalized it, “Look, she gets what she wants, I get what I want.”

Of course, she doesn’t know what he wants.

Anyway, after a delightful appetizer of warm octopus salad in a roasted onion vinagrette, and some champagne I retreated to the bathroom. Boy, you just can’t beat those old fashioned restaurant lounges that still have all the products. I sampled a lemon-scented hand cream then went into one of the stalls to do my business. Soon after I heard the clicking heels of two women entering.

“—disgusting. “Do you see the way he chews?”

“Uh huh.”

“He talks with his mouth full all the time. And he has to order the richest thing on the menu and then ask me if I think it’s fattening. Sometimes when I look at him, I just can’t believe it. That that sweating sack of flesh is my husband. Ugh. Do you get that with Richard?”

“Richard’s not fat.”

“I just hate watching him eat. It’s like a cow chewing it’s cud. You wouldn’t believe how many times I go to the restroom during a meal just to get away from him.”

I peeked through the crack in the door to get a look at her. She had perfectly coiffed honey blonde hair piled on her head a good three inches taller than she was—and she was already 5’ 11”. A gym slim body. A slash of a mouth outlined by red lipstick. Beautiful but imperious. I’m always amazed when I see someone so out of central casting. The well-bred trophy wife.

“I’m waiting for him to have another stroke. Maybe it’ll stop him from moving his mouth this time.”

“…it’s that bad.”

There was a pause. The blonde didn’t answer.

“…if it’s like that why don’t you divorce—”

“Because because—…” She looked around conspiratorily. I instinctively lifted my feet above the top of the stall door.

She began to whisper. “Hallie knows Natalia, the Russian, his second wife?

“Yeah.”

“So her divorce settlement was close to ten. For her. But me, if I divorce him, I only get three. Can you believe it? Ten million for her. She was practically a mail order.”

My heart did a loop de loop. Did she just say $10 MILLION?

“If I survive him though it’s like ten times that…guess I’ve got to make sure he orders dessert”

Jesus. And they say we escorts have no morals. I may be a willing participant with A, but at least I wasn’t plotting to kill him.

At the same time, maybe Evil Wife #3 knew something I didn’t. Here I was thinking maybe A would want a third hour and I would get another cool five. Hundred. Maybe I’m in the wrong profession…

Stop this ride. Maybe I want to get off??

Comments

You're just the kind of woman I love. Great blog!

Posted by la_mason on Feb 8 10:35AM

They are terrible. Scavengers circling, smiling and plotting. They don't just sell a little time, they sell their lives. They are animals. They make me sick.

Posted by jeregano on Feb 8 10:55AM

I dont mean to be judgemental but you are the exact same as "Evil Wife # 3"

While her tactics may take years and years, maybe well beyond her husbands years, she is essential doing the same thing you are. Charging money for time.

Lets do some simple guess math.

lets say she charges what you charge, $500 an hour. Say that the husband of "Evil Wife #3" lives an astonish 15 years, even considering his stroke.

500hr * 15yrs = 65.7million

this is BELLOW the Evil Wifes own expectation of 100 million ("ten times" what the other girls settlement)

I would go so far as to say the only real diffrence between you two, to the readers, is that you are likeable but morally you are almost no different.

Posted by kollin on Feb 8 11:35AM

That's ridiculous, kollin. Trophy wife is in her "arrangement" because she pretended to fall in love with the guy and then took solemn and legal vows. They are MARRIED and trophy wife has committed fraud in order to get married to her husband. That is totally different ethically from a transparent arrangement that both parties know exchanges time/companionship for money. I know that it's tempting to make blanket statements when prostitution is involved - but the ethics of both situations are clearly different.

Posted by leyla on Feb 8 12:33PM

I'm a stripper and I've been looked down at, in the name of the same moral values that have people look down at call girls. sweet hypocrisy, those are the same people who value marriage and allow trophy wifes/husbands to happily play their game.
we should put together an organization that defends the rights of strippers/call girls/porn stars and meybe than morals will consider us in a better direction.

Posted by silvia on Feb 8 01:16PM

Alexa, you got some crazy stories... ;-) 3 million for a divorce.. OMG... And that would still not be enough for her.. I'm not even getting into the moral parts of their marriage, etc.. Wow

Posted by Jay4DaTaste on Feb 8 04:37PM

I agree with the theory that you, Alexa, go into the type of relationship with a client that is open and above-board between both or you. The trophy wife is the one who sold herself, lock stock and barrel, all in the hopes that another human being would die so that she can benefit. How barbaric!!

Anyhow, I always seem to get dragged into these moral dilemmas, when all I really wanted to say was they LIT A BIG NEEDLE ON FIRE WHILE IT WAS IN YOUR CHEST!!!! See, I'm really just a plebian at heart.

Posted by Debby on Feb 8 07:28PM

How does that saying go..."Those who marry for money earn it."

Posted by Loxy on Feb 8 11:15PM

Sorry kollin. You completely missed the point of the entry. The important thing is not the money but that wife #3 is hoping, maybe even planning, that her husband will die. It's not about charging for time or staying with someone for money.

Posted by Ben on Feb 8 11:54PM

That's an eavesdropping session that should go down in history. Thank God you wrote about it, but then again I don't think you'd ever forget it either. Sadly hilarious.

Posted by Stefanie on Feb 10 03:32PM

wow, that is pretty incredible.

Posted by vortexia on Feb 10 08:28PM

It is a story like this that occasionally allows me to appreciate that there are upsides to making so little money... Especially since I just proposed.

Posted by BretL on Feb 11 04:01PM

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I'm a twenty-something New York escort. I love Prada, Seven jeans, and Jimmy Choos. I'm also totally addicted to Starbucks' grande non-fat white mocha and working out.

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