Well, somebody else will probably say it, or at least think it, so I will write it first:

You're a hooker. You don't measure up to many professions.

Oh, shut up Lanny O. If you're so disgusted by her profession, why are you reading her blog?

Who said I was disgusted? But if you're going to write a provocative blog about a profession that is not exactly conventional, link it all over the place for maximum exposure, and then open it up to comments, you've got to expect a lot more than a string of "You go, girl!" rejoinders. Who wants to just read that?

And as I said...this site seems to get a lot of hits. I'm sure there are plenty more people thinking the same thing I wrote.

Why do you look down on hookers, Lanny O?

Did the lord tell you to do so? Did society?

Instead of worrying about me, maybe you should ask the author of this blog why she keeps her profession secret from her family, if it's such a terrific way to make a living.

And as far as your juvenille references to the "lord" and "society," I can make my own decisions.

Heh, someday, you're going to blog about one of these encounters, and then the next time you see the guy, the conversation starter is going to be "So, you're THE Alexa."

Welcome to the joys of high readership.

It's cute to see you with this kind of reaction, not knowing what to do...
And don't worry about measuring up, you've travelled a lot, and seen some ugly stuff too... You'll both have a lot to share ;o)

Lanny O whatever your views with regard to Alexa, the fact remains that it's not decent to post that kind of messages. It only reveals how much a person wants (with emphasis here) to look down on and find any opportunity to say degrading things about others.

He's a war photographer? I doubt you could do much of anything to faze him. Totally go for it. Especially if he's cute, because he certainly sounds interesting.

Lanny, You're the one with the judgement issues, not her. I think you should be worrying about yourself and your repressed personality traits...

Lanny,

the reason Alexa cannot tell her parents is because there is a stigma about her profession in the society. However, society and its views changes over time. Not so long ago a girl could not tell her parents that she is dating a black guy - and unfortunately, in some circles, still can't. A hundred years ago a woman would be shunned for getting a divorce - a man wouldn't, by the way.

Morals are relative, not absolute - but unfortunately, few people understand that. Alexa has shown that she is an intelligent and caring person capable of self-critique and to me, those are the qualities that matter.

Accidentally, being "a hooker", as you put it, abd being good at it takes a lot of skills and qualities: intelligence, enetrpreneurship, time-management, risk-taking, ability to listen, understand and emphatise with all types of people, excellent judgement. She is running a business that requires marketing, accounting and excellent customer management without any tradutional support network available to businesses. A good prostitute has to be a good psychologist/counselor - it's more than half of what she does.

Also, there is a reason why society always - from the beginning of times - had prostitution. They allow men get rid of much lot of accumulated negative energy and stress - so that it is not manifested elsewhere. So see, most people out there would not have the guts, smarts and heart to be a good prostitute.

You're right: all those skills that you talk about are necessary for an escort.

But I've always felt that the most disappointing thing about this is that she could use those skills in an almost infinite number of positions that put the lie to any prejudices and preconceived notions about women. Go out and kick men's assess in the boardroom, on a trading floor, in a sales territory, whatever.

But instead, she falls back on the one skill that women have and men don't. In doing this, she's really turning her back on the fight for women's advancement. She's leaving it up to so many other smart, attractive women (and attractiveness goes a long way out there in more conventional jobs). She's giving up the fight, and in essence saying "I can't compete out there, so I will just do whatever women have been doing forever." That's a shame.

And please stop blaming "society." Society is made up of individuals, people who can make their own decisions. And these "societal" norms that you mock are actually just the cumulative decisions made by millions of real people. Stop talking about it like it's some sort of amorphous entity. It implies that you can make your own decisions, but people who are on the side of widely-held societal views can not, and have not. It's arrogant.

That's all very open-minded of all of you and I certainly can agree with you in a general way- but I don't completely buy your whole hearted embrace of it all. So are you saying that prostitution is such a great career choice that you would encourage your daughter to be a prostitute? That's why I say I can agree with you up to a point and then I try to imagine what I would say if my daughter said she thought she might like to take up prostitution, and I don't think my response would be "Go for it!" If someone has all these fantastic skills and capacities, then you start to ask yourself, why not capitalize on them in a different way? No matter how open you are, it does make you start asking questions that don't have good answers.

If you want to call him, do so. He's not worried about you measuring up to his profession. He's already interested. Besides, you already know this.

Lanny - good point about society and arrogance.

As for the rest of your and Nicole's points, I think prostitution could be a good way as a means to something. There are a number of professions that benefit the society but don't pay. Part-time prostitution can give a woman the opportunity to pursue it without giving up comfort and financial security. I know several women who went this way; for example, one is a sex-positive feminist, scholar and activist - and a courtesan.

Myself, I worked at a massage parlour through final year of University, and then became an independent escort to finance a career change to journalism. I've also discovered that if you offer only multi-hour arrangements and screen for compatibility, it becomes a way to meet and get to know interesting men you would not have approached before. This profession can be handled with integrity and in a way that leads to self fulfillment. It can be handled in a derogatory way. It's how and why you do it.

So, no, I wouldn't mind if my daughter decided to finance her career or philantropic aspirations through prostitution. But yes, I would be sad if that was all she did.

As for fight for female advancement, not every woman feels the need to join it. It is not the only interesting pursuit out there. I quess I just don't see a woman working in scientific, engineering or business field because she likes it as "advancing women". I see at as self-realization, and that is a very personal choice. Other women may choose to stay at home and dedicate themselves fully to children. All of these choices are equal to me, even though I personally would be bored without something more - but if others aren't, more power to them.

I have yet to meet anyone involved in a sex trade who doesn't have incest, rape or other sexual abuse in their background. Usually starting in their youth.

I invite anyone who can refute this, anyone who doesn't have sexual abuse in their history and decided to work in a sex trade to contact me. I would like to hear your story.

Reading Alexa's post I was struck by the disarming quality of it. M, as he is written, is an unprepossessing fellow, honest and unaffected. The exact opposite type of guy Alexa describes interacting with typically, professionally. Here is an opportunity to interact honestly on a personal, rather than professional, level with someone. I imagine, because I don't know personally, that part of the personal protection an escort needs to maintain is the distance between who they are personally and who they are professionally. This may be part of the psyche of anyone living in New York, for that matter.

This seems to be the basis of Alexa's uncertainty of how to respond.

Personally I'm committed to more transparancy and less compartmentalization of various aspects of my life. It's a choice that works for me. New York would probably chew me up and spit me out after three days. I like to think I could sit down with either Alexa or M and talk as honestly with both about the perils of New York, Darfour, and life in general.

Wow, thought and longwindedness, a first?

woot.

First, I'd like to address this: people here are using the terms hooker, escort, & courtesan like they are the same thing - they aren't... You can work on the street, and that would be hooking... You can work via an agency, and that would be escorting... Or you can freelance and that would qualify you as a courtesan/call girl... Second, to Alexa: You don't have to "measure up", just be yourself... If that's not enough for him, he doesn't deserve your company anyway...

I find it interesting how there's always someone on this board who chooses to take time out of their day and criticize what she does. It's the same conversation every post, almost without fail. I wonder if they'd be satisfied if she failed and fell flat on her face with this career of hers? If it would vindicate them that she is a "hooker".

Regardless, I say go for it, war-film maker sounds really interesting. What do you have to lose?

I'm not sure which is more amusing, the story or the comments! I used to have a friend that traveled all of the time and hated the nosey, "what do you do?" question all the time. He simply answered "I'm a brain surgeon" and people shut up right away. What do you ask a brain surgeon? "Is it hard?" "How many brains do you do surgery on a day?" Anyway, thanks for the story. Quite funny! A bientot.

I find it amusing that the odeous Lanny O suggested
that Alexa's many talents should be applied to
professions like that of being a Wall Street trader
or working for an investment bank.

Having worked in this business, I've never found
another business where people are treated so badly.
Almost everyone who works on Wall Street is trying
to make enough money to get out. Most people have
"the number" that they're trying to make so they
can bail.

So other than the sexual act, what exactly is the
difference between being a call girl and working
on Wall Street? For some people Wall Street pays
better, but there are no guarantees. The business
tends to be a meat grinder.

I don't work in that business anymore, as you might
guess. I actually miss the area I used to work in
(quantitative finance), but I sure don't miss the
way I was treated.

The truth is, most of us would not work at what
we do every day if we were not paid to do it.
The truth is that we're all whoring ourselves out,
its just that we do different things. What some
of you are objecting to here is the fact that
what Alexa does involves sex.

So would I want my daughter to become a call girl?
It might be a better choice than working on Wall
Street where sexism is still strong and people
are treated like replacable commodities.

Wintermute

You can argue semantics until the cows come home, but Lanny O is right - it's hard to impress with a job title like escort. It's not his fault, or any one person in particular's - but he's right. And it's not like he's trying to lynch her for it, so calm down, Jesus.

A hooker is someone, man or woman, who stands on a corner to get paid for sex. Alexa is an Escort.

The sentences "So would I want my daughter to become a call girl? It might be a better choice than working on Wall Street..." could only have been written by somebody who doesn't have a daughter.

If I'm wrong, and the writer of that sentence does have a daughter, or even a son, I would be floored at that sort of thinking, no matter how bad Wall Street might be.

Alexa,
He has obviously turned your head…so stop and look! What an opportunity to share insights from someone that has unique experiences. Makes life interesting. Call, experience and wear your thigh highs…. I bet he won’t turn and run!

Yeah, call him, go on......

Alexa, go for it. Just be yourself. I think you'll do fine.

Alexa,

First, to echo Vixen, go for it. Or to quote Jubal Harshaw from Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert Heinlein: "The most terrible thing is to look back over a long life at all the temptations you've resisted."

Second, you provide human companionship, joy and pleasure. He observes and reports on the failure of humanity and the resultant pain and death of war.

In a sane society, your role would be among the most exalted and his would be obsolete.

Never let *anyone* make you doubt for a moment that what you do is both prideworthy and praiseworthy.

Agree, go for it.
The biggest risk is not taking any, right? (quote)
If you are in the profession as what Thais has describe, you should know better than anyone here.

For me, i'm more intrested on what you got to say about all the comment on this post. And should you ever give him a call, please do update us ;-)

Call him!! What could it hurt?

Call him.

Poet- I work in sex industry. I've had no incest, sexual abuse etc in my family.
That's my story.

Poet- I'm a call girl as well. I have no history of sexual abuse in my childhood. I love my job; I think it's one of the best things I've ever done. :)

This discussion migrated into the stereotype of abused sex workers in the middle of page 3:
http://www.aspd.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=147784&perpage=15&pagenumber=3

Why no, we dont measure up to many professions. we only add up to..

Creative Writers-
Good actresses- Need to be with people like Lanny.
Web designers-
Photographers-
Marketing gurus-
IT Techs
Secretaries
Operators( Cause we are never off of our phones)
Drivers-
Public relations..

Ok.. well Im not public relations.. Because I'd tell Lanny to fuck off :)

"but I don't completely buy your whole hearted embrace of it all. So are you saying that prostitution is such a great career choice that you would encourage your daughter to be a prostitute? "

Why not. Id rather I train her than someone else and have her run into your schlepness. Where else can one make 200-500 an hour ? Even schleps are worth it :)

Checking back in, I see a couple of annonyomous comments from Luna and Courtney. If that is true then I would appreciate you writing me and sharing your story. Check out my website to learn about who I am. That's really me.

I have yet to meet someone who got into the business without some sort of abuse in the mix. But I haven't met everyone by a long shot. But there is a lot of abuse in people's histories too. A lot of denial on the part of the survivors and the abusers. It makes people uncomfortable to talk about it no matter which side they are on yet the effects manifest nonetheless. I know that to be true.

I'm genuinely interested in hearing other stories. But it will take more than single anonymous lines.

Escorting (or being a "courtesan") - is it not just a formalization and institutionalization of a very common dynamic? I am happily married now, but in my late 20's I took a woman out on 3 dates. I had heard she was a "whore", but she was attractive, intelligent, and charming. I knew she had a penchant for wealthy guys. After those three dates and spending about $250, she fucked me in a very clinical yet dirty way and we parted ways. She married an investment banker. Of course, this is only my side of the story. I was not exactly a catch at the time. Nevertheless, it was the only time I have experienced a dtaing relationship which essentially ended up with her being a $250 hooker. If two people can codify this and get it on the table for mutual benefit, why the hell not? I agree most adult companions have abuse in their past, but if I were female I might consider this a very rational way to earn money through school or other hard times.