I read that column. I like Dowd's writing. I'd like to date Dowd (her writings about men finding her intellectual apparatus intimidating notwithstanding). Actually, I'd like to date you, too, Alexa. *giggles

You gotta look at those statistics and think about them though...why do successful women not get married and have children? Its not because men don't want them, its because dating and having children takes time, and they've spent more of their time becoming successful than dating.

It's not a new phenomenon and Dowd isn't being particularly perceptive by making note of it. She is, however, the poster child for the syndrome. She's a highly successful, obviously intelligent, clearly attractive woman, and yet at age 53, she's still single and childless.

How much of that is due to something unique to her and how much of it is a shared experience with other succesful, professional women? It's hard to say, but I think it's hard to argue with Dowd's point too much.

Could it be that many of these women had working mothers and don't want to raise the children the way they were raised?

Throwing stats aside for a moment. I have had two of my male friend seriously tell me they wanted to find mates dumber than them with less ambition. I have never had a female friend say that. Kind of makes it easier to be an upwardly mobile male with a family if you think that way. They both got what they wanted.

part of it might be that intelligent women are more "selfish." they don't want some kid taking up all their time, both in the short and long term. maybe their intelligence allows them to think "I don't need to have a kid to be fulfilled." or maybe they're just sick of all the assholes out there, so they're unwilling to breed (and tie themselves down) with any of them?

just a thought... (or two)...

The tendency for high flying female execs to be childless or have children later in life is just the same over this side of the pond. Employers see women as a liability the moment they enter the interview room. So any woman with a family in mind is weeded out at that stage, or her progress up the slippery pole toward upper management is slowed to a crawl.

The problem with this is that women in the UK are having chldren later and are therefore less fertile, often requiring IVF. Some women look upon it as having their cake and eating it, career and family. The long term effects for the kids with older and older parents will only become apparent over the next couple of decades.

Alex

Hi Alexa,

A number of Dowd's big point have been debunked, many of them went down pretty quickly.

A column in Women's eNews (http://www.womensenews.org/article.cfm/dyn/aid/2512/context/archive) was pretty clear about a couple of things:

- the study about men preferring women with lower IQs was done in 1921 -- eighty five years ago!!!

- 36-40 year old high achievers are *more* likely to be married and have children than other female workers!

- women 28-35 who work full time and earn more than $55,000/year or have an advanced degree are just as likely to be married as other female workers.

Another columnist (can't remember who) snarked that Dowd's big problem is that despite her own success she's still only interested in men with higher status (or higher *perceived* status) than her own and her only six possibilities are already taken.

I've lived in the west for 25 years and haven't been in New York for even longer, but out here anyway there aren't a lot of people (male or female) looking to spend the rest of their lives with someone measurably dumber that they are.

Dowd can maybe blame elitism, or perfectionism for her woes but I don't think feminism has anything to do with it.

Just my two cents.

figleaf

She should come to Paris and party!

Havn't visited in a while, I need to catch up too!

figleaf--

thanks for the link to the article. it's certainly a must-read. i only hope it gets as much play as dowd's article--which in light of the statistics mentioned in the article you sent now seems downright sloppy. i can only imagine how many women in the demographics dowd focused on read it and got hugely depressed.

the ny times magazine is certainly going to get a lot of letters off the article. i'll be awatchin' and awaitin' for them.

alexa

Frankly if a woman admits that she doesn't want to get married or have children then she is looked at as weird. Having a family isn't for everyone and really who wants to take care of children or a man? Not me. Even if I ever get married, I'll have a prenup (its not only for the rich, its just wise these days). I'm also keeping my name.

At the end of the day, it just feels great to come home and to take care of myself. No husband or guy to clean up after, take care of and deal with all that shit that one deals in a relationship. No kids running around trying to make me frazzled. Stay at home moms are just frazzled women with no lives and I don't want that.

Despite all the lip that corporates pay about being flexible to working mothers, the workplace isn't flexible. There is a bias towards women who get pregnant and become mothers.

I also like having things my way. Not everyone has to do the same things and hey Oprah is an example of that, so if she can do it, then I can too.