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A New York Escorts Confessions
Thanksgiving. Or Not.
They had the stringbeans with the Cream of Mushroom soup. And the sweet potatoes with the marshmallows. And the cranberry sauce that was shaped like a can.
I had been debating all morning what to do. I couldn’t very well tell Mom on Thanksgiving about what her boyfriend had said to me. I was thinking my best bet was to avoid Neal entirely. I was too afraid I would scream bloody murder if he made another inappropriate comment.
Keeping quiet, though, is not my strong suit—unless of course it concerns my own identity. I had to talk to someone. Pete.
I pulled him aside by a plate of deviled eggs. “Okay. I don’t know how to tell you this. Right before you and Jen got here yesterday? He used ‘jew’ as a verb.”
“What?”
“Neal. As in ‘they really jew you out that way.’”
“What are you talking about?”
“He’s a racist!”
He paused. “You’re amazing.”
“What—me? What are you talking about—”
“You can’t just leave it at not liking someone. He’s got to be a racist, or a rapist or evil—”
“Wait. You—you’re—you’re saying you think I made this up?”
“I’m saying you hear what you want to hear.”
“What the—that’s ridiculous! Why would I come up with him saying such a hateful—”
“Do you know you didn’t say one word to either me or Jen about us being pregnant? Not ‘congratulations’, not how far along are you’— “
“That’s because I was worried about what to do about Ne—”
“No Alexa. It’s because you were worried about you. As usual.” And he turned and walked away.
I was going to cry. I was going to cry in this strange place by myself. Could they really think I was that mean?! Of course I was happy for them.
“Okay! Everyone to the table,” Cynthia said. “We have place cards!”
Luckily, or unluckily depending on how you looked at it, Cynthia had placed me far away from my family. I seemed to be sitting with the hostess and her girlfriends.
“Can I just introduce you to him at church on Sunday?”
“No!”
“She’s so stubborn. Hi, I’m Mamie.”
“Alexa. I’m Bonnie’s daughter.”
“Oh! The New Yorker.”
“That’s right.”
“I’m trying to convince Cynthia here to go out with my neighbor Mark. He’s a very nice divorced man.”
“Who I’m not interested in, Mamie.”
“You’re single aren’t you Alexa? Tell her how hard it is to find a good man.”
“Um. Oh. Uh—maybe she’s not ready yet?” Hadn’t Neal said her husband died only three months ago?
“Nonsense. Stan was sick for a year. They talked about this. He would want you out there honey.”
“There’s no one here I’m interested in. I just—I have to make peace with being alone.”
“No you don’t!” we both said in unison.
“You never know who you’re going to meet. You could meet someone at the—at the library—or the supermarket. Tomorrow .” I said.
“I suppose that’s true sweetheart but sometimes it’s hard to believe it. I think this is why so many go gay.”
“You know I read that.” Mamie said.
I. Was. In. The. Twightlight. Zone.
Neal began tapping a glass. Everyone quieted down. “To Cynthia, our host!”
“To Cynthia!” everyone said.
“Let’s gather hands.”
I thought about Pete’s previous advice to think of clothes at this moment. Instead I was going to take comfort in prayer. One of my own:
I am thankful…I don’t live in a little town in Virginia.
I am thankful…my mother is happy. Even though she’s dating an anti-Semite with a homophobe sister.
Focus Alexa.
I am thankful my family and I are healthy and happy and together.
I am thankful Pete and Jennifer are going to be blessed with another child.
I am thankful for the rich life someone has seen fit to give me, one full of wonderful, open-minded friends both in solid form and on the Internet (Thank you!)
I opend my eyes and began to push whatever it was around on my plate. Miss Manners must have said it once: no one wins by making a scene at Thanksgiving. I think I was right not to say anything. But if I was, why do I feel so gross?
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confessionsComments
All I can say is, "THANK THE POWERS THAT BE THAT I MOVED AWAY FROM CLOSEMINDED HYPOCRITICAL SELF-RIGHTEOUS ASSHOLES LIKE THAT!!!!!!!" There are things I miss about the south, but that's not one of them.
Posted by Autumn on Nov 25 05:38PMI think there's more to come from this scenario..
Also, another chapter for the book..
Posted by A reader on Nov 25 10:28PMIf what you are writing here is an accurate depiction of the events, then I don't really think there is anything to worry about yet. If Neal starts to use racist slang aggressively, then of course you will know for sure who he is or what he stands for. In this case, he was probably was as uncomfortable and weirded out as you were, being left with his girlfriend's daughter like that. We was probably trying to make conversation, using the terminology he thought you might be familiar with. It's not fact ( at least it doesn't appear to be from the writing) that he meant what you thought he did.
And even if he did- perhaps he had a reason for it ( past experience etc). At this point, sorry to say this, but you seem to be the one who tries to come off very righteous, and paint things in black and white.
There are always grey areas in between. This is probably one of them.
If you think you're coming across as open-minded, you are seriously delusional.
There is nothing more utterly predictable than the dreary intellectual world view of a Manhattanite. I live in the New York area, work in Manhattan, and love it. But to discuss anything with the vast majority of people who live on the island, all that comes back is a predictable sameness on EVERYTHING: politics, religion, sex, culture, the sneering disdain for anybody who lives in "flyover country." And then they go out and congratulate themselves on how "diverse" and "open-minded" they are.
Just how clueless these people actually are about the world is all on display in this post.
I lived in a small Virginia town years ago (two, actually). And while I couldn't wait to get back to New York, the fact is I found a greater diversity of people and thought in those little hamlets than I ever have among the self-proclaimed cognoscente of Manhattan.
Posted by Lanny O on Nov 26 06:12AMLanny, the underlying point you're made is reasonable - it may or may not be true, but it's reasonable.
But to be so rude at *this* time when the OP is experiencing emotional distress, that's offensive and inconsiderate.
What's you've written is about putting Alexia down in the guise of making a valid point.
People do this as a way of faking self-esteem to themselves; the emotional logic is that where I have the power to put someone else down, I must be *strong*, I must be *okay*.
Posted by Toby on Nov 26 07:00AMIt's very hard, but it can be the case that familial members are sufficiently fucked up that it's not possible to respect them; and if respect cannot be held, then a proper, healthy relationship cannot exist.
I have this problem with my mother in particular; I had a tough time with my step-father while I was a teenager, and she can't face it. When I look at her, I see someone hiding. I feel compassion for her and some pity and you cannot, with someone whom you have such a relationship, look to them as your mother, as someone you respect and listen to. One form of relationship precludes another.
Friends I have have much more severe problems, with their parents have behaved so badly or are so lost, not even knowing that they *have* problems, that it is fully impossible to have any kind of relationship with them.
This is a very hard situation, because parental approval is the prime source for children of learning that they're "okay", because they *are*.
However, it is entirely possible to learn that later in life as adults.
I have to agree with the poster that said it might just be a habit arising from Neal's age. It doesn't make it right - but there is a difference between being passively offensive due to learned vocabulary, and being an active racist.
Would you have been as offended if he had said "gyped"/"jipped" instead of "jewed"? I know plenty of young, reasonablely socially aware people who say "Man, I got gyped!" without even realizing they just used a racial slur against the Romani. They just don't get the "gyped = gypsy" connection. I suspect with many older people, they just think "jewed" is a word for cheated or ripped off, and if you brought it up to them some of them might even go "Hrm, I never even realized that 'jewed' sounds a lot like Jew - what an odd coincidence!" :)
In short, it might make life easier if you weren't so quick to take offense. What people say matters, but /intention/ matters more.
Posted by W on Nov 26 03:37PMI would agree that some (particularly older) people can make comments which are out of step with modern mores without necessarily realising the implications of their words.
I remember a German friend of mine, who I would in no way regard as racist, saying in a meeting (in NY of all places), "he worked for one of the old Jewish investment banks". I stared at him but it was obvious that he had no thought of what he was saying - it was a categorisation and nothing else was meant by it.
After the meeting, I told him he couldn't (especially as a German - and a Baron whose grandfather was a General in the Wehrmacht) say those sorts of things. He really had no idea that he might have offended someone and was hugely embarrassed that he might have caused offence.
The expression "to jew" is not in common currency in the UK and I would have not registered it as anything other than an odd word.
Posted by Salvatori on Nov 27 05:18AMI would have to agree with the above posters who went on the side of the non-semite approach. As a transplanted New Yorker, I've found other New Yorkers to be very sensitive when it comes to remarks that may mean something to us in the context of our metropolitan world, don't really carry the same weight in other places.
It would've been nice if you'd been able to make a joke on equal footing (The Jews? No it's the Italian Mafia...) or something equally rude to see which way he would actually go. Of course he might have thought you were a racist for thinking all garbage men were Italian Mafia. You see? It cuts both ways.
It's really a matter of context and individuals. I knew a girl who has lived in New York for double digit years who once in a bar announced that she was going to call around for "chink" food. Everyone had to tell her that "chink" wasn't a good word. She was appropriately horrified and for some strange reason, simply didn't know. She had heard someone else use it and simply thought it was some sort of cool slang.
These things happen. Of course all this isn't to say he's NOT an anti-semite it's just to say that one word does not an anti-semite make.
Oh...but I am truly sorry about the food. That's just wrong. So very wrong.
Posted by Desiree on Nov 27 08:44AMI've hung out with a lot of comedians, all struggling. Generally they are a misanthropic but idealistic lot. I fit in real well with them. When we're together, in safe company, we unleash every slur imaginable on one another. Anyone's ethnicity or sexuality or weight or dick size is fair game. I know alot of people have circles of friends like this, safe groups where the strictures of polite conversation are suspended and meanness is the engine of laughter. There is not only no racism in play, but there is a tacit acknowledgement that this language is bad because it's racist. It's nearly purgative of latent stereotypes.
Posted by Lemon Merengue on Nov 27 10:09PMFrom Avenue Q..:
Everyone's A Little Bit Racist
Princeton:
Say, Kate, can I ask you a question?
Kate Monster:
Sure!
Princeton:
Well, you know Trekkie Monster upstairs?
Kate Monster:
Uh huh.
Princeton:
Well, he's Trekkie Monster, and you're Kate Monster.
Kate Monster:
Right.
Princeton:
You're both Monsters.
Kate Monster:
Yeah.
Princeton:
Are you two related?
Kate Monster:
What?! Princeton, I'm surprised at you! I find that racist!
Princeton:
Oh, well, I'm sorry! I was just asking!
Kate Monster:
Well, it's a touchy subject.
No, not all Monsters are related.
What are you trying say, huh?
That we all look the same to you?
Huh, huh, huh?
Princeton:
No, no, no, not at all. I'm sorry,
I guess that was a little racist.
Kate Monster:
I should say so. You should be much more
careful when you're talking about the
sensitive subject of race.
Princeton:
Well, look who's talking!
Kate Monster:
What do you mean?
Princeton:
What about that special Monster School you told me about?
Kate Monster:
What about it?
Princeton:
Could someone like me go there?
Kate Monster:
No, we don't want people like you-
Princeton:
You see?!
You're a little bit racist.
Kate Monster:
Well, you're a little bit too.
Princeton:
I guess we're both a little bit racist.
Kate Monster:
Admitting it is not an easy thing to do...
Princeton:
But I guess it's true.
Kate Monster:
Between me and you,
I think
Both:
Everyone's a little bit racist
Sometimes.
Doesn't mean we go
Around committing hate crimes.
Look around and you will find
No one's really color blind.
Maybe it's a fact
We all should face
Everyone makes judgments
Based on race.
Princeton:
Now not big judgments, like who to hire
or who to buy a newspaper from -
Kate Monster:
No!
Princeton:
No, just little judgments like thinking that Mexican
busboys should learn to speak goddamn English!
Kate Monster:
Right!
Both:
Everyone's a little bit racist
Today.
So, everyone's a little bit racist
Okay!
Ethinic jokes might be uncouth,
But you laugh because
They're based on truth.
Don't take them as
Personal attacks.
Everyone enjoys them -
So relax!
Princeton:
All right, stop me if you've heard this one.
Kate Monster:
Okay!
Princeton:
There's a plan going down and there's only
one paracute. And there's a rabbi, a priest...
Kate Monster:
And a black guy!
Gary Coleman:
Whatchoo talkin' 'bout Kate?
Kate Monster:
Uh...
Gary Coleman:
You were telling a black joke!
Princeton:
Well, sure, Gary, but lots of people tell black jokes.
Gary Coleman:
I don't.
Princeton:
Well, of course you don't - you're black!
But I bet you tell Polack jokes, right?
Gary Coleman:
Well, sure I do. Those stupid Polacks!
Princeton:
Now, don't you think that's a little racist?
Gary Coleman:
Well, damn, I guess you're right.
Kate Monster:
You're a little bit racist.
Gary Coleman:
Well, you're a little bit too.
Princeton:
We're all a little bit racist.
Gary Coleman:
I think that I would
Have to agree with you.
Princeton/Kate Monster:
We're glad you do.
Gary Coleman:
It's sad but true!
Everyone's a little bit racist -
All right!
Kate Monster:
All right!
Princeton:
All right!
Gary Coleman:
All right!
Bigotry has never been
Exclusively white
All:
If we all could just admit
That we are racist a little bit,
Even though we all know
That it's wrong,
Maybe it would help us
Get along.
Princeton:
Oh, Christ do I feel good.
Gary Coleman:
Now there was a fine upstanding black man!
Princeton:
Who?
Gary Coleman:
Jesus Christ.
Kate Monster:
But, Gary, Jesus was white.
Gary Coleman:
No, Jesus was black.
Kate Monster:
No, Jesus was white.
Gary Coleman:
No, I'm pretty sure that Jesus was black-
Princeton:
Guys, guys...Jesus was Jewish!
Brian:
Hey guys, what are you laughing about?
Gary Coleman:
Racism!
Brian:
Cool.
Christmas Eve:
BRIAN! Come back here!
You take out lecycuraburs!
Princeton:
What's that mean?
Brian:
Um, recyclables.
Hey, don't laugh at her!
How many languages do you speak?
Kate Monster:
Oh, come off it, Brian!
Everyone's a little bit racist.
Brian:
I'm not!
Princeton:
Oh no?
Brian:
Nope!
How many Oriental wives
Have you got?
Christmas Eve:
What? Brian!
Princeton:
Brian, buddy, where you been?
The term is Asian-American!
Christmas Eve:
I know you are no
Intending to be
But calling me Oriental -
Offensive to me!
Brian:
I'm sorry, honey, I love you.
Christmas Eve:
And I love you.
Brian:
But you're racist, too.
Christmas Eve:
Yes, I know.
The Jews have all
The money
And the whites have all
The power.
And I'm always in taxi-cab
With driver who no shower!
Princeton:
Me too!
Kate Monster:
Me too!
Gary Coleman:
I can't even get a taxi!
All:
Everyone's a little bit racist
It's true.
But everyone is just about
As racist as you!
If we all could just admit
That we are racist a little bit,
And everyone stopped being
So PC
Maybe we could live in -
Harmony!
Christmas Eve:
Evlyone's a ritter bit lacist!
Great reminder, Adam.
If you look down on somebody because of their dedication to their religion, or where they live, as Alexa clearly does, does that make you less of a judgmental person than somebody who uses the term "jew" as a verb? Or someone who makes a dopey remark about gays that still leaves me scratching my head about how it's interpreted as "homophobic" rather than just wacky in its inscrutability.
I don't think so...but you'd never get a college-educated resident of the Upper West Side to admit that.
Posted by Lanny O on Nov 28 01:13PMLanny, funny you should mention it! I'm graduating from a certain prominent Upper West Side university shortly!
Posted by Adam on Nov 29 12:41PM...and I first was hipped to that song by an Upper West Side law student, on an Upper West Side campus!
Oh yeah, baby...we've infiltrated the Ivory Tower!!
Posted by Adam on Nov 29 12:43PMYawn!
Alexa's fixation with a single off-hand, off-color remark made by Neal, her mother's Thanksgiving companion, says a lot more about her own character than it does about Neal's. Open your mind, Alexa, and you'll see that the world outside is painted in all different shades and colors. What Neal said doesn't necessarily mean anything black or white about him as a person. It doesn't necessarily mean anything at all about him. As one of the previous posters said, Hitler was an anti-Semite. Neal sounds like he is just a regular guy. We should all get upset with the Hitlers of the world. We should all give the rest of everybody else a break.
My advice to you, Alexa, is to get over yourself. Realize that people out there come in all shapes, sizes, colors, AND belief systems. Everyone has their own unique set of circumstances and experiences that form who they are. Who are you to stand in judgement over Neal for uttering one little word that you didn't like? If we were all as quick to judge as Alexa is, the world would be even closer to "the war of every man against every man" that Hobbes warned of in the Leviathan. Room must be made in all of our lives to opposing viewpoints. Quarter must sometimes be given to those with whom we don't agree. Life is not all about ourselves.
My dad's a racist. Says really whack shit in front of my son despite my pleas for him to top.
And yet every year he takes toys and food to black friends and colleagues.
I try not to read into it because it would make my head es'plode.
The way I figure it, everybody's got their somethin'.
Posted by Jeff on Dec 1 12:44AMI think you're over-reacting to the situation and purposely finding flaws in people just because they are unfamiliar to you and causing changes in your life. Your mother seems happy and you only had to sit there for a few hours, it doesn't matter if he said "they try to jew you," it doesn't matter that she said "I think that's why they go gay" - what mattered is that your mother was moving on in her life and your brother is going to be a father again.
He is right, you were worried about you.
Posted by Froggie on Dec 3 07:54AMPost a Comment
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Just playing Devil's Advocate here:
How old is Neal? I ask because I know several older people who say things like that out of habit but not out of racism. Now of course that is no excuse, but it may give you some insight.
As for the homophobe, I don't think she meant that as deragatory. Sometimes people just spout what's in their mouth without running it through their head first.
I see the whole situation like this (no offence meant at all of course):
Posted by AGFH on Nov 25 04:17PMIt sounds to me like you are just not happy with seeing your mom with a man other than your dad. I can understand this completely. It can be horribly disconcerting. But you need to set aside those thoughts and try to focus on your mother's happiness.