I have a problem, or I may not I don’t know, & its a very particular problem (or not) concerning a ‘special friend’ I’ve been ‘dating’ once a month or so. I wouldn’t ask but I think I’d benefit from an insight that you are especially qualified to offer (ooh I’m a smooth talker), and at any rate, this sure as hell wouldn’t be a question I’d want to pose to my parents, friends or colleagues you know :-o

It’s not a smutty or salacious question, anything but in fact, I just feel a line has (or not) been crossed & I’m not sure what to do (or not).

I dont know if your up for a bit of email role-play as an agony aunt, so I thought we’d sort the fee out up front before I pose my question — a suitable donation to your favourite charity for your time?

Yours,
A.

PS That dog stuff on your blog, you were just doing that to get a rise from your readers, weren’t you?. Please tell me that guy wasn’t for real!

unfortunately, doggie boy is real. like i said, i was 99% sure that i wouldn’t do it. i think i kept that 1% possibility to find out more — some might say that i have a perverted curiousity — about his fantasies.

at any rate, i’d be more than happy to try to answer your question. free of charge. i’d have to warn you though that i might want to publish it on my blog if it were good. of course, i’d get rid of any identifying info.

xoxo,

alexa

Thanks for taking the time, its appreciated. I insist on paying, so I will make a donation to my favourite charity instead!

When your with a client having some ‘quality’ time, do you draw a line about the kind of personal stuff you are prepared to listen to, or discuss with him? Let’s say for example you really like the guy, and you find him easy to talk to, would you open up to him and discuss personal stuff, like you do with us on your blog, maybe more so, or do you work to a kind of ‘script’ and keep your distance. Likewise, do you try to steer guys away from getting too personal with you, about their wives, colleagues, etc. Common sense suggests it would be all to easy for some clients, especially the married, sexless & lonely ones (like me) to get too close, so its better all round for you to keep a little distance emotionally?

We were just talking (I’d had a bad day, so it just ended up being a dinner, wine and chat appointment) when she suddenly started talking about her marriage & she told me, amongst other things, about being repeatedly raped by her then husband. Would you tell a client something that personal? Shes obviously moved on, she’s very, er, talented in bed & a very special lady to boot, so perhaps to her its not a big deal at all?

I’m curious as to whether you would ever get that personal with a client, and how you’d react to a client telling you something like that. There must be some kind of unwritten etiquette regarding this….

And yes, I know I’m just another job to her, hell in the ‘real world’ I’d never get her number, let alone in her knickers, so I’m not kidding myself I’m any different or special to her than any of her other clients, for all I know she talks like this to all of them, I just dont know. I suppose I’m afraid she does what she does as a consequence of the abuse, why the hell that should matter to me I dont know, it just does.

Maybe I should just stop indulging myself in introspective belly-button gazing & just listen to Mr Winky ;-)

Any & all insights &/or advice appreciated.

Yours,

A

PS Doggie boy has some serious issues. I hope you launched his sick ass

I’m sorry I didn’t respond to you earlier.

Your email really made me think about my own client interactions since I never end up hearing about how my own clients truly perceive me. Sure, they might write the juicy details of our GFE encounters in review forums like The Erotic Review, but they usually don’t write about the more interesting stuff as far as I’m concerned.

Maybe it’s because they know that I read the reviews. Or maybe it’s because they just don’t care about anything beyond the “juicy” stuff. I don’t know. (IMO, the non-juicy stuff creates the true GFE.)

I don’t draw any artificial lines about things my clients can discuss. Some see me because they just broke up with their girlfriend or they’re unhappy with their marriages. Others see me to celebrate some big new deal. A few might see me just because.

Getting to know clients is good business. Showing real interest beyond the immediate session or opening up with personal topics creates a sense of intimacy, which in turn creates satisfied clients who keep coming back for more. A few men have said that they love me over the last couple years. I usually laugh it off to preserve the charade. Eventually, they simmer down and become another regular. Only in one case have I had to tell the man outright that everything is for money and money alone.

I hope that you don’t think that I’m just some cold-hearted bitch who manipulates men for money. A part of me thinks I should have become a therapist because I genuinely like talking with my clients about their lives. Maybe it’s better that I didn’t though because I’d probably give horrible advice — look how I turned out.

In the end, everything boils down to money, though. Your friend probably likes you well enough. It’s hard to fake that. But ask yourself if she’d be there without you paying. Sorry.

xoxo,

Alexa

Don’t sweat it, I’m under no illusions my friend is there for the money, no problem with that whatsoever. I sincerely doubt she has a fetish for Dan Akroyd lookalikes circa Ghostbusters 1985. And I wouldn’t be there were it not for the fact she bears a passing resemblence to Kate Beckinsale!

I won’t turn this into a game of mail tag, so I’ll close off on my original question & take my leave. You’ve been a sport for answering anyway, and its appreciated.

See, my friend and I have had some very intimate & personal conversations (the naughty bits dont take too long as I’m crap in bed, but I’m improving. So I’m told, anyway) & I suppose my fear was where this ‘goes’. I got very close to a girl at work once under similar circumstances & that didnt end up too well, so I’m a bit wary of that kind of emotional intimacy. But as you say, there is no emotional intimacy as such, merely the shadow of it, a shared illusion but illusion none the less. The E in GFE. Charade seems a little too harsh a word for it though.

Thats my lot (or load). Thanks for reading, & like our own Belle De Jour, I’m expecting great things of you Alexa, dont go letting me down!

Big manly hug,

A

Thank you for your sweet email.

Don’t sell yourself short! I know a real hottie who finds Wallace Shawn, the Sicilian from The Princess Bride, attractive. She ended up marrying a guy who looked sort of like a 6’4” version of Mssr Shawn with slightly softer features. I love him (as a friend) because he’s a really huge teddy bear.

You’re right, though. “Charades” is probably too strong a word — I used it to sharpen the contrast between paid relationships and regular relationships. I’m glad that you and your friend have a good relationship, though!

xoxo,

Alexa