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A New York Escorts Confessions

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W’s original comment on one of my posts:

Wait a second. How do you get a letter from a reader when you don’t make your e-mail address public? Something is rotten in Denmark, it seems to me …

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My initial response to W:

lol. lobster, the answer to your conundrum lies in the “let’s exchange links” link on the left side. click on it and tell me what you see. :)

xoxo,
alexa

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email from W to me:

alexa,

you’ll have to forgive me for that little outburst. it’s just that i’ve long suspected that your writings — especially the part about being an escort — are largely or completely fictional, and i thought that i had finally found a glaring inconsistency that could not be explained away.

now, it seems that i will have to go back to my former uncertainty.

well, at least i got to sneak in that shakespeare reference :)

-w

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email from me to W:

hi w,

don’t worry. i didn’t mind it. as a former english major, i actually found your shakespeare reference amusing. :)

my posts are about 95+% true — sometimes i might embellish a detail or two for the sake of enhancing the story. but all the encounters actually happen.

if i may ask, what makes you doubt me? some people have been virulent in their belief that i’m fake such as one reader who thought i was a 300lb. man in nebraska. lol. also, if you doubt, why do you keep reading?

i’m not asking because i’m mad. i’m asking because i’m just curious and am genuinely perplexed. (you know, the funny thing is that most of my stories aren’t even about my work.)

-a

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email from W to me:

hi alexa,

in regard to what makes me doubt you — well, first, isn’t it just a little ironic and funny that i should find myself explaining my doubts to the very person whom i doubt? what power is it that you have over me that i should be so willing, and even eager, to lay these things out on the table for you?

i think chiefly it’s that the grittiness and sordidness of life that i imagine to be omnipresent in an escort’s world are notably absent from your blog. let me expand on that. it seems to me that in seeing clients, even if they are of an affluent or upscale type, you would be faced on a regular basis with some fairly dark and alarming aspects of the human psyche. i suspect that the dashed dreams, hopes, fears, insecurities, desires and requests of your clients would often be highly psychopathological or at least wild and strange. i think that an escort would be exposed to dark parts of the human psyche most people don’t even know exist.

yet none of this darkness seems to come through on your blog. or when you do encounter some dark or strange aspect of the human psyche — when, for example, a client requests a golden or brown shower — you react as though you’re surprised, as though you’ve never encountered this kind of thing before. (see my comment in response to your oct. 6th post.)

i read your blog for the combination of prurience and good writing. i like to daydream that a girl like you actually exists as described in the blog, even if the evidence is inconclusive. and there is maybe a little of my own psychopathology that enters into the mix: i’m basically just a shy socially reserved dork who looks with wonder and envy on your adventurous sexual escapades, the likes of which i have never personally experienced. the world you describe is, to me, like a kind of dream-life, a valhalla in new york city.

-w

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my final answer:

hi w,

thank you for your thoughtful email. you’re not the first person to say that I cast too positive a light on the world of escorting.

fortunately, the grittiness and sordidness that you mention doesn’t really exist much of the time. most of the men who see me are simply in search of intimacy without the commitment. to them, seeing me is just like going on an expensive date with an attractive woman.

the only thing is that i’m always ready to fulfill almost any need or fantasy they might have, except golden and brown showers. i always provide a true girlfriend experience, and they in turn get relationship lite — only fun and excitement — with the ultimate low-maintenance girl (as long as they pay my fees). many clients may be lonely, but few have strange or wild fantasies, and only the rare one is desperate enough to cause concern.

this grittiness that you imagine probably exists among women who work on the street. but then again, that is a world that i don’t know. nor would i care to know it.

that’s not to say that my profession is as safe and wholesome as most other jobs. in fact, my chief concern is security, especially with new clients. baring yourself and making yourself vulnerable in front of complete strangers carries significant risks, least of not which is physical security. even now, i experience a twinge of nervousness when meeting any new client. until i get to know them better and understand their routines and desires, anything can happen, and I don’t mean in bed.

a longer-term cost is a loss of trust. after having seen all these men who stray from their commitments and lie so easily to their wives or girlfriends, i find it hard to truly trust any man.

even with the risks, i do like my work. always being at another’s beck and call does get to me once in a while. but don’t we all have bosses or clients who dictate what we should do? in the end, though, i like my work because it enables me to earn a very comfortable living while not working too hard. enjoying life in manhattan is difficult unless you have plenty of time and money.

also, i like making other people happy. as strange as it may sound, hearing a regular client sigh with pleasure or moan “oh god” in the moment of release fulfills me even if i view the whole experience clinically as a business transaction.

getting back to my blog, though…

i find it more than a bit ironic that people claim that i cast too positive a light on the world of escorting since i haven’t written much about my actual work or my clients. in fact, i think i’ve only written about a handful of clients that i met over the last 3 months. i only mention clients that i find particularly interesting.

for me, my blog is a personal space that i happen to share with the whole wide world. it’s less a traditional diary where i record my daily minutiae and more a forum where i can ruminate, babble or scream in frustration (especially when it comes to our fucked-up crazy president). sometimes, i write about my daily activities. other times, i write about events or topics that catch my fancy.

if i cast a positive light on sex or on living in manhattan, it’s only because i truly do enjoy sex and have few inhibitions. also, nyc is the greatest city in the world!

even before starting life as an escort, i had broken free of many of the inhibitions that church and society programmed into me. if god truly does exist, then he must have meant for us to enjoy our bodies. otherwise why give us the orgasm? perhaps fusing our bodies into one and experiencing the release expresses the divine.

so how can i prove that i’m real?

i could post a picture.

but even then, how would you know that it’s really a picture of me? and even if you believe that the picture is real, how can you know for sure that i do what i say i do?

the only way to truly know is to become one of my clients. unfortunately, that is the one thing that i simply can’t allow.

so i guess i’ll have to live with the doubt. i actually enjoy the debate swirling around me because i like being the center of attention. mom always did say that i had a bit of the prima donna in me!

a