My favorite post from this week’s Carnival is “Double Bed” by Jay (Entry #11). Jay writes a cute short story about an experience that he’d like to have with bed delivery men. You can imagine what happened… Or you can just go and read his story.
Entry #1 — 12/15/04 (really I just date them)12/15/04 (really I just date them) by Wesley Wardlaw
things I discovered this year dealing with restrictive internet up at school, so if you happen to be having these sorts of problems, meaning you’re in college and they’ve shut down all the wonderful services the internet offers, here’s a few tidbits.
Entry #2 — I Was A Teenage Sasquatch Hunter!I Was A Teenage Sasquatch Hunter! by Johnny Landotter
Hear actual sasquatch vocalisations recorded in Puyallup, Washington in 1976! Listen to Barks make a completely spontaneous mushroom joke! Learn the secret name that’s on the Landotter’s birth certificate! Amazing and true! Piles of fun!
Entry #3 — Morning BlessingsMorning Blessings by Sean Wilson
I mutter a quick, “hello,” you’re walking past, east. We see each other every morning; this is nothing special to you; you nod your head, and then turn back, ahead, no longer looking through the glass window between us.
Entry #4 — Anatomy of my OrgasmAnatomy of my Orgasm by Red
I guess I don’t remember discovering my clitoris, but I do remember finally figuring out how to masturbate. I was 16; I used a slow steady stream of hot water from the bathtub. Giddy’up.
Entry #5 — Conversations with clerks volume 2Conversations with clerks volume 2 by Jess
My wife has been pretty lax about getting a hold of me, she does not write, she does not call,
Entry #6 — The spirit of Christmas!The spirit of Christmas! by Kerastasi
In the truly festive spirit of giving (to your allies) and recieving (US military aid), the Israeli government has asked for: ‘2,500 MK-84 live bombs — a general purpose 2000 lb. bomb
Entry #7 — Guilty PleasureGuilty Pleasure by Halden Johnson
I have a confession. I derive much pleasure from owning Garden Gnomes. I know it isn’t the most politically correct thing. There are organizations out there that would like to see Gnome owners like myslef punished but I can’t help it.
Entry #8 — Pee Wee PervertPee Wee Pervert by Matt Ambrose
…As I unfurled the Johnson I noticed my oh so carefully selected neighbor staring in my direction and distinctly southward…
Entry #9 — Mr. LadysMr. Ladys by Toni
I suppose it’s not uncommon for foreigners to get hit on in Japan, especially the Caucasian ones…However, my friend and fellow eikaiwa teacher had a slightly different experience.
Entry #10 — Anniversary. A post in two parts.Anniversary. A post in two parts. by Thérèse
Part I. Discovery. She: You asleep? Me [asleep]: Mhm. She: Good. Look at me. Me: Mmmno. She: I was hoping… only one pair will look fant… Me: No. She: But they’re perfect! Me: Forget it. She left in a huff. I got up, later. Downstairs, I noticed that my Tango Shoes Were Not. There.
Entry #11 — Double BedDouble Bed by Jay
My new bed was delivered on Saturday, an early Christmas present from NM. It’s a very nice double, with a wooden headboard and everything, but the delivery itself gave new meaning to the word ‘service’.
Entry #12 — Summer Lovin’ Parts 1 & 2Summer Lovin’ Parts 1 & 2 by Kim
She gasps as she feels the icy cherry popsicle circle her nipple and it instantly hardens to a tight peak.
Entry #13 — Conversations With St. NickConversations With St. Nick by zander
Zander: seriously, are you flirting with me? SantaClaus: Well that’s hard to say. Ask an elf Zander: i knew you had a midget fetish or something, why don’t you just admit you’re a fat perv?
Entry #14 — Gandhi VS BushGandhi VS Bush by Kevin (Wotak) Towell
According to the all mighty modern christian ethic, one of the worlds greatest, most christ like teachers of all time… is in hell being burned for eternity.
Entry #15 — Something for all you gun control advocates to think about… . .Something for all you gun control advocates to think about… . . by Jeremy
The next time someone talks in favor of gun control, please remind them of this history lesson. “With guns, we are citizens. Without them, we are subjects.”
Entry #16 — The Bronzed AussieThe Bronzed Aussie by Johnny the Horse
I have said before that the reality show genre holds no place in my inner TV guide. But as I changed between the myriad of American cop shows I happened upon “Outback Jack”.
Entry #17 — Battlefield EarthBattlefield Earth by Mark Blei
One of the biggest changes in politics in my lifetime is that the delusional is no longer marginal. It has come in from the fringe, to sit in the seat of power in the oval office and in Congress.
Entry #18 — Celebrity Blog EntryCelebrity Blog Entry by Jenny
So I have a website now? And a blog. From what I was told, it’s an online journal/diary. Nice. I think I’ll enjoy this.
Entry #19 — my first…i think…shit…ah, let’s just pretend.my first…i think…shit…ah, let’s just pretend. by maleslut35
“suck that cock, slut…milk it…” she sucks my cock…gags…looks up, with that sexy, ooops look. I am cumming… “here it comes baby…here comes what you want…what you are hungry for” and i shot a big load down her throat…
Entry #20 — Dutch Wife for hireDutch Wife for hire by Lee
Back in April I mentioned the advancements in Japanese blow up doll technology, and that rather amusingly such devices go by the name of Dutch Wives. But such lifelike silicon beauty comes at a cost
Entry #21 — Pick Me! Pick Me!Pick Me! Pick Me! by Peat
I got nothin’ that can top the real blogging that goes on at “A New York Escorts (not Escort’s) Confessions” but I do have cool bus pictures and I keep track of unfortunate penis related news.
Entry #22 — In My DreamIn My Dream by Silentwordz
Everything is soft. The air. Your voice. The smell of the stillness. I don’t want to shatter it again. Let’s keep it like this.
Entry #23 — fudge: the new nicotine-patchfudge: the new nicotine-patch by grepcomputers
If you are going to swear, swear. If swearing offends you, then don’t do it; stop using “fudge”, or whatever word you have chosen, to pretend you aren’t. (What, is it the innapropriate-language form of the nicotine-patch?)
Entry #24 — Fat Cun ChickFat Cun Chick by Casey Shanks
What I have not seen, is a “fat cun guy”. I have seen fat blokes with pretty thin-slim girls, and most of the time, the fat bloke look rather un-presentable. Before the fat community throws me any liposuction-fat-bags, please hear me out.
Entry #25 — Funny QuickieFunny Quickie by zurielle
So yesterday Chad wanted to watch the newest porn we had received in the mail. I hate it when he does this at lunch because it gets me a little excited and I always want to take a longer lunch — if ya know what I mean.
Entry #26 — Ever Heard Of A Tuna Melt?Ever Heard Of A Tuna Melt? by Nikki
Emily — You’re Puerto Rican right? Me — ::slowly:: Yes… Emily — You wanna know how I knew? Me — How?…
Entry #27 — Story DayStory Day by SJ
I announced to Roommate #1 that on that night, this bartender would be going home with me. I had no idea what was about to occur.
Entry #28 — I am — on my periodI am — on my period by Jesus Martinez
When your woman tells you that she can’t have sex because it is that time of the month, punch her in the face and say “bitch, it’s always time to fuck in my world…
Entry #29 — Movie Review: CloserMovie Review: Closer by Nina Scaletti
“Julia Roberts has a mouth that would swallow the QM2 if it just so happened to be Jude Law’s dick. (That alone is going to get some interesting Googles.)”
Entry #30 — Deep Shaft, Chapter 10Deep Shaft, Chapter 10 by Dan Torchia
Mark DeCicco, the protagonist in our story, decides to take on the region’s most powerful politician and investigate the connection between him and his family.
Entry #31 — Parody of Blogs (Episode 1)Parody of Blogs (Episode 1) by Mad House Madman
“Cardiac complications? No waaayyyyl, look at these charts” she said as she bent forward, revealing a small morsel of her delicious bottom. Our morning began well and the team was in good spirits.
Entry #32 — The bed and breakfastThe bed and breakfast by Ricardo and Dragongirl
She spreads her legs slightly to expose her sex to me. I can see the delicate pink folds waiting for me. Even after the train ride I want more of her. I place a quick love bite on her right cheek.
Entry #33 — Of Queens And ThingsOf Queens And Things by David Tellez
The guy next to me goes, “Oh yes…yes…Colin please, please, fuck his mangina and make that boy feel like a real man…fuck his boy pussy!” OMG! OK…mangina? Boy pussy? WTF?!
Entry #34 — I am a suspected terroristI am a suspected terrorist by mark reed
Andy dares me to wear a balaclava so that we can pose by the service station for photos. I haven’t got that photo. It would be both immensely embarassing and incredulous. We go inside to make phone calls to check if Jim’s Dead.
Entry #35 — Every Cause for Every OccasionEvery Cause for Every Occasion by Evan Ames
Here’s a tip. The next time you have a brilliant idea. Write it down on a piece of paper, then have a mentally disturbed child beat you repeatevly in the head with a louisville slugger.
Entry #36 — Fancy bagging yourself some “Bangkok”Fancy bagging yourself some “Bangkok” by Mark
Why is it that these beautiful women want to marry a man from an entirely different culture, and live in a country that is thousands of miles away from their own?
Entry #37 — He believes in beautyHe believes in beauty by Katherine
I’ve read it now, and although I’m not a drug-taking transsexual, bisexual prostitute, I can identify with some of the things written about Orkney.
Entry #38 — Being Lazy Is An Art FormBeing Lazy Is An Art Form by Elizabeth Sheryl
Joggers and people who actually get up extra early to exercise…I just don’t understand. More power to you though, I’d rather watch E! True Hollywood Story of The Real Word (oh that puck…) and eat Wheat Thins.
Entry #39 — NSM’s 20 (damned sexy!) questions…NSM’s 20 (damned sexy!) questions… by laura at iburnforyou
11) Have you ever masturbated in public, where you could have been easily seen (ie. in a public pool, sitting on a park bench, etc)? ANSWER: yes … i’ve even done it while driving a convertible (truckers love that).