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A New York Escorts Confessions

Rice to Riches

rice to riches The SoHo cafe looks inviting enough with its quirky Jetsons theme. It even has a cute name — Rice to Riches. Once inside, though, everything changes. After all, how many cafes are dedicated to rice pudding? How many of you even like rice pudding?

So my friend dragged me into Rice to Riches last night and forced me to down this vile porridge. She’s into trying new things and we happened to pass it while on the way to Balthazar after dinner. As any New Yorker can tell you, Balthazar has some of the finest French pastries in the city. Their pain au chocolat is just divine!

vile porridgeRice to Riches has every possible flavor of rice pudding. (I never knew that you could make so many variaties of this lowly dessert.) Unfortunately for me, the addition of flavors doesn’t change the fundamental fact that rice pudding is sludgey and bland. It has the all of the consistency but none of the fun of cum. Doubly bad for me, they only have 3 sizes — solo, sumo and moby. Solo should really be called trio because it’s so big and moby is a huge tub that costs $35. Who in their right mind actually buys $35 worth of rice pudding?!

I think the owners knew that adding flavors wouldn’t be enough because Rice to Riches also offers all sorts of toppings from oatmeal to strawberries to espresso beans. Needless to say, the toppings didn’t do it for me either.

Traumatized by our little excursion, I’ve decided to write this haiku.

      Sludgey grains of rice
      Mixed in with random flavors
      Gag me with a spoon!

Comments

i believe it's in nolita...

Posted by mmonk on Oct 4 01:22AM

interest... waning...

if i want to read about rice pudding, what little jessica thinks little billy might have thought of her hair at the thursday dance, or read some rambling train-of-thought blogs i'd go somewhere else and read them, but i don't care so i don't. i come here to read a new york escort's confessions.

of course it's your site and you can do what you want with it, but i found your site's topic interesting enough to mention it to friends. pudding is one of those topics that makes me stop halfway through reading it and wonder why in the hell i was reading it.

just being blunt and honest, please don't take it the wrong way...

Posted by eric on Oct 4 02:19AM

how about you don't pay that douche any mind. I enjoy your writing, even if you're "confession" is about your disgust for rice putting. keep on writing what moves you, and I'll keep reading.

Posted by janet on Oct 4 03:04AM

yes, I do realize now I spelled you're and putting... forgive me father for I have sinned.....

Posted by janet on Oct 4 03:05AM

i had just read about the rice pudding place and felt an odd need to visit. i like my rice pudding as much as the next girl i suppose. thanks for the warning.

care not for the comments of small minds, dear wench. not only will i happily read of your rice pudding adventures, i can't wait for the recap of the tapioca-teria.

kisses!

Posted by princess erin the mighty on Oct 4 11:17AM

Is there anything WORSE than rice pudding?

Oh, yeah, GRITS.

Posted by Dawn (webmiztris) on Oct 4 11:22AM

I used to like rice pudding. It's one of those early childhood memories centered around my grandmother's house. (Anyone noticing the sepia tones around this post yet?)
However, this quote made the post for me: "It has the all of the consistency but none of the fun of cum."
First Indian food, then rice pudding. What's next? Bad sushi?

Posted by Saney on Oct 4 12:02PM

rice pudding ain't bad, but i like tapioca better.

Posted by Captain Scurvy on Oct 4 12:13PM

i like rice pudding, and i actually think that oatmeal is way grosser. but i can see why some people wouldn't like it- the texture is weird. but i'm of asian heritage, and i'm told all asians are SUPPOSED to like rice LOL :P

Posted by fleecey on Oct 4 12:27PM

I'm just digging on the haiku. I can commiserate with the rice-pudding-hating, grits-despising themes going on here...but I *love* Cream of Wheat, which I hear is something like rice pudding, only grainier...?

Posted by Erica on Oct 4 12:38PM

Can we not hate on the rice pudding? Such a glorified and beautiful dessert. I'm going to be in New York starting next week. And I will definitely hit this place up. Right after Mamoun's Falafel and some pizza from Joe's.

Posted by dan on Oct 4 01:21PM

Hi, I really like your site and want to turn you on to several things. First off, I think you may really like The Good Flame. We are a sexual band who plays great music, however sexual it is. There's music and a blog for all. We are also part of the Quality Control Alliance. We can be seen at www.qualitycontrol.blogspot.com and the good flame at www.thegoodflame.blogspot.com

Posted by Wally B, of The Good Flame on Oct 4 02:02PM

I actually like rice pudding, I may have to check this out for myself.

Posted by Marilyn on Oct 4 02:05PM

ugh. oatmeal is a far worse dish. i don't understand how people so readily devour a food that has essentially the same consistency as vomit. or if you have ever had tapioca tea. i don't get it.

yeah, don't mind that dude eric's comments. what an asshat. if he just wants to read about sex only, he should pick himself up a penthouse.

keep on writing whatever ya want, and we'll keep reading it.

Posted by dante on Oct 4 02:41PM

I like that stuff. I've had it since i was young and guess got used to it. What's the address of this rice pudding place alexa?

Posted by Zisk on Oct 4 04:47PM

Once again, my bad, i'm being dumb. saw the link. DOOF!

Posted by Zisk on Oct 4 04:47PM

Hi hun.... I just wanted you to know that I am closing up my blog and starting a new one..... Let me know if you want the new address

Posted by Chaos on Oct 4 07:55PM

Well, I just had to say I DO like rice pudding... It even has a kinky connotation to it when you start thinking about the possibilities.

Posted by Evilchristian on Oct 4 09:19PM

I loved your blog from the first time I read it (and as a former NYer, thought I should have gone into the escort business!), but haven't come back in a while, because I lost the link. Just spent an hour catching up on past-blogs and can't wait for more! You put mine to shame.

Posted by Jenny on Oct 4 11:23PM

Ugh. Rice pudding. Mushed up, warmed over worms. When I was a kid my parents tolde me every time they served it that if I ate it just this one last time, I would never have to again. Lies! I fell for it every time and suppressd the gags. You think I could get them on charges of emotional abuse now?

Posted by Surly on Oct 4 11:36PM

sludge.

sounds like an excerpt from one of my personal favorites, IRON CHEF, except you're missing the crucial live-action anime guy with an outrageous dub.

and the eric guy is an ass.

if he's that hard up tell him to get a fucking penthouse and learn to read.

Posted by katzinjammer on Oct 4 11:49PM

I don't actually know what rice pudding tastes like. It always looked so disgusting. Growing up poor as I did, what we sometimes ate for breakfast was day-old (or older) white rice that had ben chilled in the fridge, milk poured over and sugar added for flavoring, if sugar was available. Somehow, I've always imagined that he flavor would be rather similar, but in a gooey consistancy. Not my kind of thing at all.

Posted by Andrew on Oct 5 10:00PM

Speaking of which, I just realized how expensive Balthazar is. You must be frickin loaded

Posted by Zisk on Oct 5 10:45PM

Hi there, just been catching up on your site. I have to say that i enjoy reading your comments and look forward to your new stuff. I think that when you get enough up here it would make a great book.

As for rice pudding, i love it, plenty of times after a smoke i have made some up and sit in front of the TV. Though i have to say now that you have drwn the analogy it is not likely to ever taste the same again ;p

Posted by Mark on Oct 5 11:49PM

wow. who would've thought that rice pudding would inflame passions so? for those who like it, sorry for hating on your favorite dessert!

Posted by alexa on Oct 6 12:53AM

i thought your haiku was awesome. and i also think rice pudding is Nasty. with a capital N.

Posted by prettygirlgeek on Oct 6 09:19PM

I like rice pudding but I think eric is a fuckwad. I'm redeemed.

Posted by ASB on Oct 19 07:08AM


Acknowledged on the rice ...

True wild oats are better ...

Posted by E. Soul on Oct 25 03:36PM

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I'm a twenty-something New York escort. I love Prada, Seven jeans, and Jimmy Choos. I'm also totally addicted to Starbucks' grande non-fat white mocha and working out.

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